A simple luxury-REVISED
The forever yearned for time has come.
Crawling comfortably under the sheets.
Allowing her limbs to collapse underneath.
Finally, alone, or so it seems
but then everyone joins her at once.
That deadline is fast approaching...
She forgot to call her mother...
Was he insulted by her last text...
Recounting every second of the day behind her.
Rethinking her every move.
Her mind drifts everywhere, uncontrollably.
The long awaited tranquility now out of reach.
A scattered, confused, inquiring brain.
Tossing and turning, it does not stop to breathe.
Suddenly, it all comes to a halt.
Creating a dome in her checkered quilt,
as her head nestles into her down pillows.
Entering a world so intangible to the living
A place where questions are not asked
and nothing is dwelled upon.
Unreachable serenity for the conscious.
The luxury of a dream.
Complete and utter peace,
out of reach to the open eye.
The forever dreaded time has come,
Stalling comfortably under the sheets.
A simple luxury
The forever yearned for time has come.
Crawling comfortably under the sheets.
Allowing her limbs to collapse underneath.
Finally, alone, or so it seems
but then everyone joins her at once.
That deadline is fast approaching...
She forgot to call her mother...
Was he insulted by her last text...
Recounting every second of the day behind her.
Rethinking her every move.
Her mind drifts everywhere, uncontrollably.
The long awaited tranquility now out of reach.
A scattered, confused, inquiring brain.
Tossing and turning, it does not stop to breathe.
Suddenly, it all comes to a halt.
Entering a world so intangible to the living
A place where questions are not asked
and nothing is dwelled upon.
A safe zone where war is unheard of
and hate is simply forgotten.
Unreachable serenity for the conscious.
The luxury of a dream.
Complete and utter peace,
out of reach to the open eye.
The forever dreaded time has come,
Stalling comfortably under the sheets.
Your voice was so strong and spirited throughout the performance! You captured the comfort of sleep so well by depicting it as an escape from the speaker's restless reality. Her restlessness is successfully established through "scattered, confused, inquiring brain" and "allowing her limbs to collapse", as they bring specific images to mind. I also like how the format isn't constant, just like how her state of mind is all over the place. I think if you made some sentences slightly longer, you could definitely add to this already meaningful poem.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this poem. It is very relatable and your performance matched the tone of the poem. I like the beginning phrase "allowing her limbs to collapse." This phrase does a great job with showing and not telling. When I read that line I could feel my shoulders lower and I felt relaxed; it took me to that feeling of relaxation. Good job! I also love how the first two stanzas correlate with the last two stanzas, it adds so much to how the poem changed throughout. I think if you added more of the subject's actual thoughts to the ending of the poem it could add an even more intense feeling of the "scattered, confused, inquiring brain." Great job with this poem!
ReplyDeleteHi! I liked how you read this with a clear tone of voice and enunciation that added to the poem. The poem itself is also very relatable to me, especially after midterms. Some of the language is very effective, I especially liked the last line: "stalling comfortably beneath the sheets." It's very visual and emotive at the same time. I think this poem could be improved by removing some of the abstractions that appear in the last stanza, such as "war" "hate" "serenity" "peace" "luxury" and replacing them with concrete images as you did in the last sentence. Nice poem!
ReplyDelete