Different religious, cultural, educational.
combines to shape beliefs.
Essential
Roommates upon moving
communicate openly with one another.
No pre-conceived expectations.
Negotiating rules.
It is imperative the topic is discussed.
Conversation is crucial.
Met for the first time
or
your best friends.
No assumptions made.
Conversation evolving.
New situations arise.
Commitment to a positive tone.
Crucial for any difficult topic.
Speak calmly, directly, and honestly.
Understanding perspectives.
Help and support.
Hi! This poem focuses on an interesting topic, and I also thought it was helpful that you not only blocked out the words in the article itself but also transcribed them into text so that it was clear where you wanted the line breaks to occur. This poem made me think about college and living with roommates, which I can really relate to! I'm not sure if this is what the article was about as well, so it might be helpful to see the words you crossed out more clearly.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that could be improved in this poem is the flow and rhythm of the words. In some parts it seemed a little bit like a list of instructions, which might have been what the author was going for. If this was not the desired effect, it might help to add in words such as "that" and "which" that seem unimportant but can make the lines seem less fragmented and more connected to each other.
Nice job!
I agree with the comment above that it would have been helpful to see the words you crossed out more clearly. However, I really like this poem. This poem is so real to all of us in college, and I really appreciate that and how you related it to your readers. I think it's interesting how there are two parts to the poem. Maybe it is roommates becoming best friends? I'm not totally sure but I know I like it!
ReplyDeleteThe way the speaker lists the differences that can exist between roommates at the beginning really sets the tone for the poem.It made me look forward to how the differences would be worked out. Word choices that you chose from the excerpt such as "essential", "imperative", and "crucial" highlight how important the relationship one has with their roommate is.
ReplyDeleteI think you should consider using more descriptive terms, unless the vibe you were going for is short and concise. I also think it would be interesting if a relationship between specific roommates was developed later in the poem.
Other than that, I really loved the theme of people with different backgrounds and needs learning to come together in a setting unlike what they were used to previously. Keep it up!
-Abigail Adler
The way the speaker lists the differences that can exist between roommates at the beginning really sets the tone for the poem.It made me look forward to how the differences would be worked out. Word choices that you chose from the excerpt such as "essential", "imperative", and "crucial" highlight how important the relationship one has with their roommate is.
ReplyDeleteI think you should consider using more descriptive terms, unless the vibe you were going for is short and concise. I also think it would be interesting if a relationship between specific roommates was developed later in the poem.
Other than that, I really loved the theme of people with different backgrounds and needs learning to come together in a setting unlike what they were used to previously. Keep it up!
-Abigail Adler
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the lessons you were trying to spell out in this poem. I just wish I knew what the source of the words are (I am assuming this is a cut up?) because it would really make your ideas more complex (depending on the difference in message with the original text). I was also a little confused about the format of this poem and why certain lines were punctuated or put on separate lines, but I think that also has to do with the original text (which I cannot view easily on my computer).
My favorite line is: "different religious, cultural, educational.
combines to shape beliefs." Because it is speaking of the complexity within a person and between different people with dissimilar beliefs.
Why is the last line cut off?
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the lessons you were trying to spell out in this poem. I just wish I knew what the source of the words are (I am assuming this is a cut up?) because it would really make your ideas more complex (depending on the difference in message with the original text). I was also a little confused about the format of this poem and why certain lines were punctuated or put on separate lines, but I think that also has to do with the original text (which I cannot view easily on my computer).
My favorite line is: "different religious, cultural, educational.
combines to shape beliefs." Because it is speaking of the complexity within a person and between different people with dissimilar beliefs.
Why is the last line cut off?
I like how you sort of changed the meaning of the initial paper to being just about the relationship between roommates. Clearly, this topic is super relatable to all of us. I would like something deeper along with the descriptions however. It was interesting but I feel like it lacks a certain point to it. Moving around some of the lines might make for a deeper meaning. It's as if all the ideas are there but lack a conclusion. My feeling when I read this is: so what? I want to know more. Great idea though
ReplyDelete