The Sideline (edited 12/24)
Sweat rolls down my slick curved back.
The blue cloth sticks to my determined hamstrings.
The twenty-one in white glares with menace.
Purposeful quadriceps cramping tight as I hurtle down.
An attempt to stay afloat in the sea of blue and white,
my pupils make sense of the waves ahead.
Furrowed eyebrows unwavering against the storm.
Four other pairs of purposeful eyes look to me.
The blue in my corneas detects an opening,
the defense allowing my sturdy calves to weave through.
The muscle memory speaks to my peripheral brain,
as I leap into the air against solid bodies.
Landing on the painted wood in a contorted form.
Right away, aware of the striking pain.
Like a cat, resting on all fours, head down.
Struggling to rise up, I look to the bench.
Fingers motion in distress at my coach.
Shaking ankle lacking the desire to support.
Barely reaching the sideline, my knees collapse.
Laying on my back, only a slight whimper heard.
The scurry continues but I no longer take part,
now waiting impatiently for the sound of the buzzer.
Limping, I half-heartedly extend a congratulations,
my neck bent over, hands in my head.
“Ouch that’s bad,” all I hear the trainer utter the next day.
My ears close down as he continues to expound.
Already craving the adrenaline and rush,
A grin on my face, lips frozen and tight.
Mental torture as its finest, most clearest.
Every step a feat and a win for my aching tendons.
Missing that blue sweaty cloth so dearly,
as I strive to not portray the despair.
The game, my own personal escape from reality.
Now so near, yet completely out of bounds.
I loved this poem! At the beginning the reader is filled with excitement, will the subject make that shot and win the game? But then in the middle it takes a turn and changes the feeling of the entire poem. Great job! I was taken to a different place while I was reading it. I felt like the audience at times but I also felt like the subject. You did an incredible job with showing and not telling in this poem. I loved the line "The blue in my corneas detects an opening." You also made the ending relatable by expressing the torture of wanting to do something that you physically cannot. One thing that you can maybe change to make this poem even better is the last line. Instead of writing the obvious "Now so near, yet completely out of hand's reach," you can say something about how you're now stuck in reality. Just a thought! Overall, great job!!
ReplyDeletethis is amazing and sad!
ReplyDeleteI looooooved the way you described the emotions, it wa every vivid and emotional. There was a drama here that I really appreciated and made me crave the adrenaline and rush you were feeling. The end was also well done. I think this is one of your best poems yet.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this together in class. You definitely call up many emotions in your readers using strong language. In class, we mentioned the idea of limiting your use of adjectives and adverbs. You have definitely minimized the adjectives in the latter part of the poem. Some of my favorite descriptive words in this poem are: whimper, scurry, sturdy, and weave. These words give another dimension to your writing. Just look out for the abstractions: "my neck bent over in dismay and acceptance." Great job!
ReplyDeletei absolutely LOVEDDDDDD this poem! I agree with what professor Miller said in class that this was an amazing depiction of a basketball poetry (or a poetry about sports) which doesn't happen a lot so awesome job. i also loved the descriptive elements of the poem which really made the reader feel every second of what the person in the poem was feeling or doing! awesome!
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